Raising Toddler Triplets is a Balancing Act. Here’s How We Take Care of Ourselves, so We Take the Best Care of Our Littles.
My name is Jake and my husband is Sean. We are Utah Dads raising our almost 2-year-old triplets. Life is a little crazy for us, but we wouldn’t have it any other way.
We had always wanted a family of our own, but for the longest time we didn’t know if we would be able to make it possible. Adoption and surrogacy are expensive and emotional endeavors to say the least. We worked hard within our Real Estate careers to begin saving and started the process of surrogacy with an amazing gestational carrier. We transferred two embryos hoping at least one would be successful. To our surprise, both transfers were successful and one of the embryos split into identical twins!
We shared our story online and our account, @daddiestothree, took off overnight. It was amazing to find such a supportive community through social media. We have continued to share our journey to help raise awareness for LGBTQ+ families and all the ups and downs in the rollercoaster of parenthood.
Our Triplets
It is so crazy to have triplets that are so different. It amazes us to see their little personalities shine through as they are starting to talk more and interact socially. Wren is our firstborn (by a few minutes) and our smallest of the bunch. She loves to cuddle and is our best eater right now. She loves to make others laugh and is a natural performer. Her identical sister, Willow, is our emotional baby. She loves music, dancing, blowing kisses, and jabbering on and on. It doesn’t take much to upset her, but she’s got such a big heart. Winston is our “Daddy’s Boy”. He is a lot more shy and curious. When you get him comfortable though, he is the funniest little goof with the sweetest temperament.
A Little About Our Journey
We actually went through a lot of trials to get our family here. On our first surrogacy journey we transferred two embryos and had one successful implantation. Tragedy struck at 12 weeks into the pregnancy and our surrogate miscarried. It was heartbreaking for all of us. That added pressure and heartache flooded our minds as we sat together at the first ultrasound waiting to hear heartbeats. The nurse actually told us that she saw two sacs but was only finding one heartbeat. She called another nurse in to double check and she excitedly congratulated us after finding the second heartbeat! “You have twins!” She started printing out the ultrasound photos and we began to celebrate.
The look on the nurse’s face quickly changed and she told us to hang tight for a moment. “Actually, there are three babies. You have triplets!” I think at that point we and our surrogate were in shock! We went from silence, to celebration, to fear, to shock again. So many emotions at once. That moment changed our lives forever!
How We Nourish Ourselves to Nourish Our Babies
To us, nourishing ourselves to nourish our babies means making sure that you are taking care of your own needs to better provide for your baby. This includes food and nutrition and we’re happy to partner with Gerber for this reason - we can trust the nutritious options for each of our babies’ milestones. However, it doesn’t stop there! Nourishment means to support in a way that allows one to flourish and grow. That encapsulates so much more than diet.
So many parents have children and lose themselves in all that is parenthood. There is so much to learn and so much to do. There is so much comparison, emotional stress, and physical exhaustion. It’s so easy to lose track of your own needs and desires. We are big believers that when you can nourish your own needs, you can better show up for your children. It also provides such a great example to your kids so that they too can begin to recognize their own independence and the necessity of self-care.
We aim to prioritize nutritious food and snack options for our babies to support their bodies, and still, there are so many other ways we can aide in their overall development. We encourage our triplets to explore their curiosity. We plan activities that help stimulate their minds and social skills. We praise and uplift, comfort and correct.
One of the best gifts we believe we can give our children is presence. When we spend time with them, we do our best to focus on really being there in the moment. Those memories and genuine connections will be such an advantage as they develop into their own unique little humans.
Finding balance between taking care of the babies and finding time for ourselves and our relationship is easier said than done. The freedom we had pre-kids is much more restricted. We understand the privilege we have to be able to have help from grandparents and babysitters. Not everyone is awarded those circumstances.
It takes conscious work to be able to find time for yourself and time for your partner, but it is critical. We make sure we are having consistent date nights, little getaways without kids (if possible), and communicating our needs to each other so we can show up positively for our littles each day.
Our advice to new parents who may struggle finding time for themselves or their partners comes back to being present and in the moment. You don’t need a full-blown vacation to connect with your partner. You don’t need a 3-hour massage to check off the Self-Care box. Connection can come over dinnertime, just before bed, or even naptime. Be patient with yourself and with your partner. Parenthood is hard and it’s ok to be overwhelmed. Know that you are a team and we are all in this together.
Navigating the Challenges, Together
We all face challenges - sleep deprivation is real! I think we still have a little trauma from the newborn stage and all those sleepless nights. It’s a game-changer when you are outnumbered from the start.
One of the biggest struggles is being able to handle the guilt of not being able to do it all. We both have full-time careers, a social media business, a marriage to focus on, and three toddlers who love our attention. It can be overwhelming to not feel like you are excelling in every aspect of your life all the time. It can feel vulnerable to have your life on display for others to critique online. It can be hard not to compare yourself to all the super-parents out there. We are learning that life is a balancing act and that’s ok. We can only do our best each day and some days will inevitably turn out better than others.
And guess what – we kept three humans alive for almost 2 years! Haha! But jokes aside, I think one of the most important goals of ours is to raise kind humans. It is so rewarding when we go to daycare and we see our kids sharing and playing nice with other kids. All youngsters are going to have their trying moments obviously, but seeing them happy, thoughtful, and kind warms our hearts more than almost anything else.
